Wait for it! Wait for it! WAIT FOR IT! oh... thought he would show another emotion....nope

While watching the badassness of Kurt Russell destroy yet another city as Snake Plissken, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about other action movies I have seen recently.
Con Air was one such movie, brilliant flick, but what made it good? Nicolas Cage!

He is a really cool dude, but when it comes to acting... well, lets just say we should be thankful he is always cast in the same manner. Out with it.... HE IS ALWAYS THE SAME CHARACTER!!!!!!

Don't believe me? Look at it yourself. His emotions, facial expressions, everything about him never changes. He is not the only actor to be this way but sometimes they aren't as lucky as Nicolas, they get cast in roles that require character variation. An example being casting a Jedi Knight to Samuel L. Jackson... I mean... Honestly!

But back to my point, look at some of Nic's roles, and tell me that you do not find the characters a little similar:
Santa:
Dolly Parton:
The Pope:
Barack Obama:

THC Ministry

This has to be the coolest church on this green green (blue) planet. (Besides this one!)  I really think this website can speak for itself. Very interesting and educational!
THC Ministry

I also think it would be cool if one of my friends became ordained by this church so that they could one day marry me!



*I also would like to state that I have never smoked any kind of cannabis in my life. I just don't think it should be illegal!

Total and Complete Brain Flatulence.

I am at a loss of what to write.
I never thought that my brain would actually shut down.
Perhaps I have just fizzled out, but I'm pretty sure it has more to do with this old fart I've been debating with on Facebook.
What started as something seemingly obvious as whether or not human-beings should be treated as such.

Simple right?

Why must rednecks crusade against something at least once every generation?
-"Gotta keep them slaves where they are!"
-"Gotta keep them micks out of the workplace!"
-"Gotta keep them *racial slur not of my race* out of our schools!"
-"Gotta keep them *racial slur not of my race* from voting!"
-"Gotta keep them *racial slur not of my race* from holding office!
-"Gotta keep them women from voting!"
-"Gotta keep them women in the kitchen!"
- etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

One would think after losing so god-damn many times they would give up, but my hat is off to their resilience.

Eventually they will lose the crusade against the "faggots" and have to move on to the next minority.
But really who is next? They really have nowhere to go after this, that's why I think they want to hang on to this for all they can get.

But I thought of a good stress reliever, GIMP!




I feel better :)

So please don't ask me how I ended up at my wit's end

I can now be found on Twitter.

*Gets on the proverbial soapbox*

The ignorance that pervades on WBOC 16's Facebook page is absolutely astounding. Really, homosexuality, a mental disorder? I'm pretty sure that this lady must have a mental disorder...delusional schizophrenia perhaps? Anyways. I believe everyone should have the right to marry; I think it's super lame that people use the Bible as a means to spew hate; I hate how backwards this nation is. It's socially acceptable to hate homosexual people...which is not right!

Anyways, so according to this old guy with no teeth, I am a "LIBERAL SEX ANY WAY YOU WANT IT FREAK" (the capslock is all him. I called him out on it but he said it was emphasis on his drama...) because I support the right of everyone to get married, which is cool because I love sex a lot. The Bible isn't law in this country, thank [insert random deity here]. Anyway, old man with no teeth told me that [his] God wouldn't call my name at judgment and all Old Testament laws are still in effect. To that I say, why would anyone want to be a part of a religion where you hate everyone who is not like you? He also claims that I am perverting the Holy system...only marriage is a social and legal institution...

Additionally, the argument that samesex couples shouldn't marry because they can't conceive. So, hetero-couples who remain childless aren't really married, no?

Finally, old man with no teeth writes "TO ALL YOU "YES-ERS" OUT THERE: "Inventions" are supposed to be accounted for & by the U.S. Patent office in Wash. D.C. ! That is "EXACTLY" what you're saying when you exclaim: We Have GAY Rights! You're INVENTING something that never was accepted as the norm before ! You are missing North by 180 degrees! Next thing you will be inventing is that ... See MoreGOD suddenly changed his mind and now APPROVES of IDOL WORSHIPPING ! And it is now OK to do so because (I'm GAY) and "I" Say So! --WHOOEY--!! You're just FULL of your sickness and wharped and creative minds! Go ahead and pervert your sexuality--- just don't "TREAD" on long settled standards (Stare Decisis) and DEMAND EQUALITY when we that are sane know right from wrong and try hard not to practice wrong-doing don't want to be forced to accept your premisses!! How dare you invoke a Holy Richeous Loving Heavenly Father & his Dear SON into perversion and expect them or any other sane person to sanction it ! STARE DECISIS -- Take the time to look it up and read it's LATIN LEGAL MEANING !! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO INFRINGE ON A HOLY ACTCREATED BY GOD IN THE FIRST PLACE ! And that's how I feel about it folks !! I already you GAY people have got your hands and pockets full of ROCKS and just can't wait to throw and re-load till your fingers drop off----"

When obviously he is the one who has his hands full of rocks (probably cocaine...dude has all teeth except front, obvi crackhead) ready to throw at anyone who disagrees with him. Maybe if he read the Bible less and went to school more his post would at least be readable. Gay marriage is not an invention. The great thing about America is that we can change. Slavery used to be the norm, it's not anymore so...

*Steps off the proverbial soapbox*

Next week looks promising! Tattoo on Thursday, Alice in Wonderland at Midnight, then MCHC for the weekend with some of my best friends. Life is good when you're a genius.

♥ Shaina

Will they give anyone a license?

I was driving down the street when I see a man driving.
Usually that seems like normal business, but this man was hell bent on not being a normal driver. You see, he was driving his brand new Mercedes with not one but two medium size dogs between him and the wheel!

The talent of this man is astounding! I had to take a picture:


But I guess this brings me to the whole point of this blog. Will they give anybody a license? Shouldn't there be some sort of IQ test to make sure this kind of dumb shit is not allowed on the road ways? Sooo... here it is... just going to come out and say it...

People dumb enough to take pictures of others while driving should not be allowed to have access to the roads!

Why would they honestly give me this thing!
I can't be trusted, and I very well may kill you all.
And most of you I would feel temporary remorse for.
So please help raise awareness that people like me are out there, and none of you are safe.
You'll just be driving along then BAMMMMMMMM!!!!!! you're money's missing and you're daughters knocked up! I've seen it a hundred times!

WAIT! that's not me, that's the guarantee fairy, but it's kinda like that, except your daughter's just not really my type.

Helping a friend or Shameless promotion of a friend's website?

I was commissioned to GIMP an image as a logo picture for my friend's site.

http://www.hugsfordinosaurs.com/

I made two images, both of which I like but I'm not sure which is the better. I need some help.

So here's how this works. I show, you vote. Simple huh.

Contestant number one, weighing in at... um... probably a lot,
Boy and his Velociraptor


Next, weighing in at probably significantly more than the other,
Fratboy T-rex


There you have it. let the voting commence!

Banjos, Fiddles, and an accordion...no, I'm not talking about a "lost hiker" movie, I'm talkin' 'bout Flogging Molly!

Last night was one of the greatest nights of my life, all thanks to a friend of mine: William "Greatest guy in the effin world" Hastings III, better known simply as Trey.

I went to go see Flogging Molly with my mocha-flavored eye candy, Shaina. All around it was a great night (injuries and all). Let's take a look at the lead up.

First on stage was The Architects, not a bad band, not the greatest, but they had a good sound. They are worth checking out but here is a short list of my problems with them.
- Bassist looked like Mr. Bean and acted like a manikin who was prone to seizures
- Guitarist seemed to be trying too hard to appear cool
- The mics were turned down way too low
- All the songs seemed to have the same bridge and finish
- Too many of "their" guitar solos sounded a little too familiar for a band I'd never heard of, if you get my drift

Next up was a guy named Frank Turner. Even though his music pretty much blew like the big bad wolf, I must give credit where credit is due. Dude has ginormous step-children. That could probably use some clearing up. What I mean is his balls were huge, there he stands a openly British man attempting to sing songs to a crowd of pre-gamed angry Irishmen. A sold out bar full of them to be exact. But his immense bravery cannot make up for the fact that I just really wanted his set to end.
There was one hilarious moment that is worth mentioning.
Frank asked the crowd (over deafening silence): "Do we have any Brits here tonight?"
A lone "WOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH" rings out from the middle of the crowd.
Then, and here's where it gets funny, the muffled thud of a man being punched in the gut and falling to the ground. The balconies erupt with drunken laughter and then "Ole Ole Ole Ole OOOlee OOOlee"
Brought a tear to me eye

Even the setting of the stage gave me a total wetty. I don't know exactly what did it but it was somewhere between the Banjo tuning and the accordion soundcheck... but never mind that.

My only problem with the set was they were only there for two hours. I could have stood there all night, and contemplated actually contemplated trying, but some of the bouncers were pretty big. Nothing much to really say other than go see Flogging Molly, I did not make a request, just do it, ya bastards!

On an actually related side note: I no longer have Social Distortion stuck in my head, but now I have Tobacco Island by Flogging Molly stuck in there and it really is making me hate the British even more by the second.

I'll dance up a storm; sure life's looking fine!

Thanks to the gracious hospitality of Mr. Trey Hastings, Dustin and I had the opportunity to see Flogging Molly at Rams Head Live in Baltimore last night, playing with the Architects out of Kansas City, Missouri and Frank Turner from Winchester, England.

To be completely honest, I was not sure what to expect from The Architects as I was not impressed by their selection of music present on their MySpace and it left much to be desired. Their set was a pleasant surprise. They were all dressed nice in their button down t-shirts and dress pants and were full of energy. The songs they played were upbeat, fast. New favorite band officially, and I found my new boyfriend (which is why Dustin hated them). Definitely worth checking out. I'd catch their live videos on YouTube rather than checking them out on MySpace. The songs on there leave much to be desired. I also have their bassists pick...a.k.a. my new boyfriend.

Following The Architects was a gentleman by the name of Frank Turner. While his music is not personally my taste, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever heard. Only like 3 people knew the lyrics and this pre-pubescent boy had a total hard-on for them. Unfortunately, his music was a bit less energetic (I don't know if that's the word that I want), but when The Architects left the stage and he started playing it was kind of a let down. (A. Bruns- it was like Suburban Legends playing than West Bound Train, if you catch my drift.) Anyways, if you're into folksy-ish sounding music from a guy with a British accent, check him out.

Last, but most certainly not least, Flogging Molly. Need I say more? They were awesome and I'm glad I got to see them for more than the forty-five minutes that Warped Tour alloted last summer.

All in all, a fabulous concert. I wouldn't expect anything less from Rams Head Live.

Remember back when twists in movies were a good thing? It's review time!

Remember how you felt when you found out Bruce Willis had been dead the whole time at the end of The Sixth Sense? good, but try really hard not to think about any other M. Night Shyamalan twists...cause they all sucked.

So let's stick with the 6th Sense one, you felt slightly hurt for being mislead, but mostly it was exhilarating because everything clicked all at once.

I guess that brings us to Shutter Island. I went into the theater with ridiculously high expectations, but I hardly think that's unreasonable, given the legendary director. I was not disappointed, expectations met, and exceeded.

Good news and bad news. First the bad, this is not the movie that the trailer's would lead you to assume it is. So you are going this one blind. But the good news is that it doesn't matter, because it is a pretty awesome trip. (note to reader: I use the word trip purposely because by the end you may assume someone put something acidy in your drink)

The entire movie is one giant twist. As soon as you think you have it all figured out...STOP, cause you are wrong and you'll just look dumb at the end. Make no assumptions. I guess that clears up my "twist" intro.

Although this movie has only one of the things that I previously stated "great cinema should have", the gravity and amount of twists more than make up for the lack of gypsies.

I should charge for these "Go see this MOFO" reviews. Hollywood could retire me.

Time to expose the truth!

Tiger Woods wants to return to golf. I say, good for him.
It's bad enough that he has had to live through the shame of a scandal.
A scandal in which he had nothing to do with.
The truth, my friends, is far more scary.
It involves The Man!

I'm sure we've all heard of The Man, but appears that he has truly gone so far as to attempt to completely destroy the blasian-athletic community.

Have there ever been many famous blasian athletes? Of course not, The Man at work
But one slipped through his grasp, a man named Tiger.
I believe this was more than an accident, The Man was simply waiting for the proper moment to strike the definitive attack against the blasians.



Hence why he planted all of those white women on poor Mr. Woods. I say that the time has come for us all to stand up to The Man and tell him that we've had enough of his involvement in sports, media, cinema, and History Channel documentaries involving eating habits of the lesser spotted weasel-frog.

HE MUST BE STOPPED!

Sarah Palin... Do I really need a pun?

Apparently Mrs. Palin is angrily media-whoring, once again.
I said nothing when she tried to demonize birth control,
I just sat there when she said she knew foreign policy because Russia raided her panty-drawer in college or something,
I didn't even get upset when she claimed Africa was a country and NAFTA wasn't anything she needed to know about.
BUT for the third time she has greatly offended me by attacking comedy, good comedy at that.
Not to say that all good comedy stems from making fun of Sarah Palin and her offspring, but dammit, a lot of it does.



Everyone remembers the big deal she made over Letterman saying something about how her fourteen year old was knocked up at a baseball game. Personally, I'm more of a Leno kind of guy myself, but the delivery was pretty good.

So Palin crusades against that.

And in a relatively short amount of time she falls off the radar, like she should.
But that just won't sit well for long, for someone like Palin at least.

So as her second insult to comedy, she writes a book. The joke that she claims is serious... just plain in bad taste

And most recently she has started attacking Seth MacFarlane because of some family friendly humor involving a girl with down syndrome claiming "my dad's an accountant and my mom's the former governor of Alaska" on his show Family Guy.

The last one I find particularly amusing after she just recently publicly defended Rush Limbaugh for saying "what's wrong with calling people, who are retards, retards."

She just disgusts me. And I thought everyone should know.

The problem with the Olympics, and a modest Solution.

Last night I sat and watched nearly an entire speed skating race. Between deciding what the proper suicide device should be, I started to ponder why people pretend to care so much about The Olympics.

Does anyone truly care about these events? Absolutely not, it's as simple as that.
Besides the fact that most are about as exciting as watching baboons fight over a pack of gum (scratch that! that would be pretty cool to watch, but you get my intent), when is the last time you heard someone talking about speed skating between the off years? Never.

But people want to pretend they care, so that they show they support their country. But must we do it in such a self-deprecating way?

FEAR NOT, for I come bearing gifts of improvements!
In fact, historical societies will probably want to give me a gold medal.

Italy is in possession of a once-useful building, but now all they do is cry about preserving it. I say, the best way to preserve something is to once again make it useful.

Let's restore The Colosseum!


Ok, so here is the master plan.
Every few years, the current interval would probably be sufficient.
Every country sends one contender, just one, and then we hold gladiatorial games to the death.
The country's representative that survives gets to claim rights as the greatest country in the world until the next event.

To start things off, I go ahead and elect myself as representative of the United States...as well as the rest of North America, because lets face it: I can take Nacho Libre and Alex Trebek.




We who are about to die: Salute you!

A bit of sagely advice: Pick battles wisely.

Watching the size of my following grow by the second, a bit of local politics crept it's way inside my dome. Reason being the usual mentality of blog followers, my minions excluded obviously.

Let's examine the case, shall we?
My area is dominated by two warring blogs which hundreds, if not thousands, of people follow religiously. You heard me right.

They are:
Salisbury News( http://sbynews.blogspot.com/ ) and
The Salisbury Grinch ( http://salisburygrinch.blogspot.com/ )

For some reason, which I do not possess the patience to ascertain, these two men have a hard-on for bashing each other.
I find it rather disgusting and pointless. Why do grown ass people feel the need to bicker over something so meaningless as internet news rights to things that can barely be considered news.



That's why my advice for the day is to pick battles wisely. No one really cares if a blog is the area's best ( especially now that I have entered the scene, and won ).
Concentrate on things that matter, like nuking the whales, or enslaving monkeys to do your bidding. These my friends are battles worth fighting. "Who has the biggest URL" is just not.

Let's make like Ozzy, and bark at the moon. It's review time!

I recently went to go see The Wolfman.
Utterly dreadful
Horrendously awful
Disturbingly bad
Shallow and pedantic
Those are all things I've heard in reference to this film.... LIES

This movie was epic. It had everything great cinema should have: gore, romance, Anthony Hopkins, cleavage, shocks, twists, gypsies, and special effects to orgasm at.

If you had the pleasure of actually seeing the original Wolf Man starring Lon Chaney Jr., doubt it, but either way, don't assume you've seen this one. The players remain the same, but the roles are a little different. All I'll say to that is: Doesn't Sir Anthony Hopkins always play the perfect emotionless psychopath?

I'm not very good at keeping myself from ruining movies, so I better quit while I'm ahead. Just take my word for it. See the MOFO and know that Benicio Del Toro has surpassed Lon Chaney Jr.

Time to christen this bitch!

Ok, I know for a fact that at this point I have no one to look forward to seeing this but I figure: What the Duece! I'm gonna have fun regardless.

I figure you can tell by my name, I rather enjoy Star Wars. So it seems fitting that my first thought should derive from this great piece of fiction. It occurred to me while removing trash from my place of employment, what a drastic change the entire feel of Star Wars would take if Darth Vader had been voiced by Sean Connery instead of James Earl Jones. I can feel that right now you are running through the script in your head and attempting to place the dialogue properly.

To help in your experimenting with this great idea, here's some lines and a picture to get the voice right!



Princess Leia Organa: [smirking] Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold. The Imperial Senate will not sit still for this. When they hear you've attacked a diplomatic—
Darth Vader: Don't act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren't on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
Leia: I don't know what you're talking about. I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan--
Darth Vader: You are a part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! [to the Stormtroopers] Take her away! [Leia is taken away]
Imperial Officer: [to Vader] Holding her is dangerous. If word of this gets out, it could generate sympathy for the rebellion in the Senate.
Darth Vader: I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base.
Imperial Officer: She'll die before she'll tell you anything.
Darth Vader: Leave that to me."

Can't you just feel the dramatic change of air!

Amazing really.

On a rather unimportant side note: Currently and for the past week or so, I have had Take Away by Social Distortion stuck in my head and shall I say that this song is utterly merciless on brain cells.