The Gripping Conclusion to a Compelling Saga...

...would be nice wouldn't it? Instead, you get a poorly thrown together fifth page.
Full of plot holes, misspellings, grammatical abominations, and not a single picture.
You heard me right!
I decided to leave the Finale in the form of a Word document.
Well, technically, I just don't think I'll have time to GIMP together anything worthwhile.
See, today I'm leaving work slightly early. And during work is really the only leisure time I have... Ironic ain't it?
So for the conclusion to Psychological Warfare To The Furthest Extent Week, I had a utter stroke of genius!
I shall make a list of History's(Past, Present, and Future) most messed up militaristic inventions for the complete and total demoralization of an enemy psyche.
Ready? Set? Too Bad, here it comes!

• Carpet Bombing an area with Africanized Bee nests
• Surround an enemy with wind-tunnel fans and drop billions of mosquitoes on them
• A trillion gallons of pig's blood, Carrie Style
• Lighting people on fire, at a distance (quite possibly history's greatest)
• Unleashing large amounts of rabid rodents (squirrels, chinchillas, bunnies, etc.)
• Relocating all death-row criminals to the warzone with as many guns as they can carry
• Claymore mines loaded with grenades
• Large range explosives filled with boiling Cheddar cheese (PHASE 1)
• Release copious amounts of seagulls on cheese covered enemy (PHASE 2)
• Specially trained nocturnal ball-hunting weasels
• Project a direct feed of 24-7 MTV on all flat surfaces of a hostile city
• OH NO! Ive fried my brain!
• I can't think of anything else!

Well I guess that concludes Thoughts Rants and Other Great Ponderings First Serial Thought Extravaganza, Psychological Warfare to The Furthest Extent Week.

Hope you all are now as demented as I am.
I've done my part to better the world.
Thank You and Goodnight.

Finally a Practical Military Application

And today we come to the second to last day in TROGP's Psychological Warfare to The Furthest Extent Week!

Its a solemn moment, lets have a brief second to recap of what we've done to screw with people's heads so far.

• Puppy Warfare
• Halloween Warfare
• Giant Shark Walker Warfare

It has been a great week, and I promise it'll only get better before its over.

I was thinking to myself, "what is the most screwed up thing you can do to someone's mind?"

Then it hit me like a flying koala bear all hopped up on cigarettes and banjo music... Introduce them to religion!

But not even I, a certified Crowned Prince of Evil, am that malevolent. (See, told you I was Certified)

So I had to think of another way to mess with heads, needless to say, my answer still came from religion.

Ever hear of a guy named Noah? We'll come back to him.

I want to spread over a battlefield from above with a small amount of specially trained commandos to create warzone confusion.

But by Commandos, I mean wild animals
And by Specially Trained I really mean really pissed off and threatened
And by Small Amount I kinda meant a shitload

Introducing Operation NDCF
Noah Drop Cluster F\/ck

Basically I just accumulated two of each type of really mean animals and carpeted the enemy with them. Simple, Effective, Dirty, and sorta Cute

Hump day! (Of my week at least)

Welcome distinguished minions to the halfway point of this very special TROGP presentation.

Lets see, we've covered ranged infant mammals and the excrement expulsion potential of religious enemies upon meeting their worst fears face to face.
Both of which take a little ARR and DEE (if you're curious, that is Research and Development by pirates.... The best kind of research and development) but not a lot of science, and I love me some science!

Is my next weapon going to be a battlefield revelation? The next Atomic Bomb? A highly practical instrument of pain? PSSSSHHHH! You best know better. This is a week of psychological warfare after all.

My next machination is all about that ever elusive "I think he just pooped himself" factor.

Revelation? Absolutely, it did come from me.
Revolutionary? Without a doubt, nobody else would try it.
Practical? Not a bit, but the enemy would not even think of fighting back after seeing...

Yes, those are genetically enlarged, enhanced and air-breathing sharks (told you we might have those) mounted to walking exoskeletons.
Believe it or not... catching the sharks was the hardest part. The insulting nature and mechanical engineering was easy. We ran out of money before we found a boat, so we had to steal a deep-sea canoe. (found out later, there is no such thing... you try catching Great White in a kayak)

Now that we're on the down slope, what do you think tomorrow will bring? Find out tomorrow, boys and girls.

Day 2 of Psychological Warfare To The Furthest Extent Week!

Hey, Remember the Vikings, the Goths, the Huns.... All these groups are responsible for bringing the "civilized" world to it's knees.

What was their secret?
Wasn't the technological edge.
Wasn't the uniformity.
Certainly wasn't their battlefield ethics.

IT WAS FEAR!

A Viking warrior was called a Berserker, for crying out loud! He would stand on a hill, and scream so that the enemy thought he was insane and completely willing to die. Small kernel of knowledge, he was willing but not likely. Because the enemy had already made piece with his patron deity long before the Viking even got to him.

Not to mention image can go a long way.

So for Day 2, I'm discussing the battlefield benefits of taking an already technologically advanced, disciplined, knowledgeable fighting force and creating the most effectively lethal Berserkers the world has ever seen! I really need to work on shortening these strategy names, huh? Lets call it Halloween Warfare.

Lets start with battlefield leaders... your Sergeants.
Sure, he's a little intimidating but we can do better I think... How about.... Much better!

On to the average infantry, I put current enemies in mind. Currently the US is in a war with a people who are motivated by their religion. And love to throw around the word "Satan". So the Psychological Warfare experts at TROGP have decided to exploit this Achilles Heel. Introducing the improved Terror Trooper. Guaranteed to make a terrorist shit himself on sight.
Don't Forget to stop by tomorrow for Day 3.

I'm Starting a Series!

For the first time ever on Thoughts, Rants, and Other Great Ponderings
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of the corn gather around for the first ever
TROGP Serial Thought Extravaganza!!!
Think of it like Shark Week, just with less sharks and more me. Not saying there won't be sharks, just I can't guarantee it at this fragile stage of development.

But this Week...Starting with a Friday.... cause I feel like it.... IT IS
Psychological Warfare To The Furthest Extent Week!

Starting with The Militaristic Uses Of Destroying an Enemies Mental and Emotional State With The Use of Puppy Barrages! I know what you are thinking.... Too long a term for tactical usage, so we'll just shorten it to Puppy Warfare.

What would shatter an enemy emotionally better than the point he realizes he is facing an enemy willing to launch live (at the point of launch at least) puppies at him? Nothing I can think of. That's why we're starting this week of with a bang... or at least a yelp and a dull thud.

The only real problem that I am coming across is delivery method. There are only really two schools of thought on projectile puppies. I say both should be immediately implemented on a battlefield for further testing. First there is the Pupapult.
Capable of launching full litters, but unfortunately accuracy is left wanting. Great for widespread blind puppy blanketing. But useless in close quarters. So we have school two. The Pupzooka, with my own extra psychological edge, using children to shoot them. This offers great battlefield maneuverability due to the fact that children are small. Two downsides though are that these are similar to the muskets of old. Single fire, then reload...etcetera ad nauseum. And children cannot carry many puppies on their person. The other downfall is that children are rather easy to take out. But both these problems are easily solved by Nature herself... Children are quite expendable and very quickly brought to fighting age.

Tune in Monday for Day 2 of Psychological Warfare To The Furthest Extent Week

I've found it! The root cause of the problems.

After feedback, and much great personal inner reflection upon current events, I think I've found the major problem with the world.
Quite possibly it is The Problem. Ya know the one problem that is responsible (ripple style) for all other problems.

But lets start where the revelation occurred.

On an accidental trip to IMDB, there it was!
They are remaking one of the greatest films ever made.
A true classic among classics.
True Grit! With Jeff Bridges as Rooster!!!!!!!!!!
Are you as thrilled as I am? Probably not, and your admission to this is what led to my great revealing.

The root cause of all the world's problems is...... (drum roll) ....... People that don't agree with me.
More specifically when they don't like the exact same things and/or hate the exact same things.

So as I was on the hunt for someone to show the proper level of awe for this upcoming cinematic epicness, I got a little frustrated.

Are we rollin' downhill like a snowball headed for Hell? Great song

Ahh... Merle Haggard.... What the!... Oh! Hey
Sorry, I thought you might have been a pack of slightly agitated, potentially aggravated, and absolutely intimidated rabid chinchillas.

Tonight, minions, we shall be talking about politics. Why, Barrack Obama. Sort of

Let me explain. Our president tweeted the following last night:

"The other side is counting on you staying home this Nov. They’re counting on your silence. They are betting on your apathy. Prove them wrong"

It irritated me because it calls Republicans "The other side". I mean don't get me wrong, I dislike Republicans as much as, if not more, than the next guy, but I don't like making them out to be the enemy. Sure they are the opposite side of the coin from the Democrats but we're all on the same sinking ship.

Now before my political beliefs are incorrectly inferred, I dislike Democrats almost as much as Republicans.

So I want to take the soapbox and say that we all need to work together to keep the fat lady from singing.

But Americans are a little reluctant to sign on to anything without imagery. So I've been doing what I call Experiments For The Betterment of Society. But what my critics call "Abominations". But what do they know. My first... um... trial run was using actual politicians. I gave the world Bill-john McClinton.



When he started eating illegal immigrants, I got a lot of praise from the Right, but he nonetheless had to be put down. All evidence has been destroyed though, so I can wash my hands clean.



I switched to raiding circuses for volunteers and came up with the perfect symbol to unify Americans, bring this country to full world dominance!

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you ....
The Republocrat!

I'm Back Bitches (and Bastards, Respectively)!

How Long has it been? A question I dare not dig through the annals for a legitimate answer. But the important thing is that I am here, for today at least.
Why all of sudden? Maybe its the large amounts of George Carlin I've been ingesting, or the excessive amounts of Richard Pryor I've inhaled lately. Or maybe It's being told something is off limits for comedy!
Censorship... My old nemesis, we meet again. Especially when I find the subject completely within reason. But I think we'll just come back to that. First lets get re-acquainted.
How have you been? That's cool
Oh, is she better? That's good to hear.
Where's he workin' now? Good money? Yup, yup. It's hard times.

Ok! now that that's outta the way... Sorry, I wasn't really listening... just kidding, I'm not sorry.

In the mean time, I've seen movies and concerts, they were good but I didn't write reviews, and I don't know why. I've been in a sort of brain-block mode. But Today....

Here it is, in the spirit of my comedy heroes, your anecdote of the day.

I walk in to this prison-camp called work, this morning. And I'm struck speechless. A female coworker got a haircut. A haircut very similar to another (male) coworker's haircut. So I say "Did you guys plan this?" So I get pulled aside and told "She's been getting a lot of flack for that so don't be mean".

If the haircut is offend-able then don't cut your hair that way! If I walk down the street wearing a three sizes too small ninja turtle shirt and a banana hammock, I'm gonna expect jokes. I would wear pants if I didn't want jokes. But I chose the man-thong! I'm embracing the man-thong! If I don't feel bad about it, somebody remarking on it shouldn't hurt me right? Damn Skippy!

If you don't want someone to say a man-thong looks funny, don't wear a man thong. If you're offended, it obviously can't be liked by you that much. That's all I'm saying. People need to toughen up. If I like someone, I joke with them. If somebody finds my shenanigans hurtful... Just know I think you're cool, but your haircut is retarded.

Oh and here is a pic of me, Carlin, and Pryor.... Damn we was old then. Enjoy

In other news: Megaman has been found after years.

Procrastination.

Greeeeeeen

Now I am not one for giving a shit about energy and all. But there is some pretty damn innovative thinkers out there. First, this Danish hotel is going to pass out things like meal vouchers to those who pedal a bicycle for energy to power the hotel.

Who the f*** wants to pedal a bike in a hotel. I would want to raid the damn mini bar.

Next is a frog city (France) wants to add embedded microsensors to the ground to generate electricity from pedestrians walking on it. This has also been invented by some Dutch douche. WTF is going on here, am I missing something.

(Links are provided in the text)

Just in case anyone is interested or cares, the original Xbox live support was cut today. It is a sad day for those who can not move on.

Watching your back

Apparently one needs to be careful when Tweeting because the US Congress wants to archive your Tweets. I knew this day was coming, I just didn't think it would be so soon. Anything you write online will be accessible to someone out there or aggregated by different services and can be searched by the government. Wired has an article that explains more of the issue. I think I will be tweeting my last one tweet soon. Also Facebook is already archived and used by the government.

I think the rule of thumb is : be careful, you do not know what is going to be read by who. This is especially true when you go to look for your next job. So be careful what you tweet and put on your Facebook.

The US government and potential future employers aside, certain websites crawl and aggregate data, making up profiles of everyone based on what they find under automated searches and the like. I already have a lot out there, maybe its time to stop!

Sources:

Wired article: http://www.wired.com/epicenter/2010/04/loc-google-twitter?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+wired/index+(Wired:+Index+3+(Top+Stories+2))

readWriteWeb article: http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/how_us_government_spies_use_facebook.php

Bill 1057!

On March 25, the Maryland Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee will review a vital bill to restrict the cruel practice of chaining dogs outside during snowstorms.
Please help by calling or writing to your state senator and asking him or her to vote "Yes!" on Senate Bill 1057, which would restrict the chaining of dogs during snowstorms. If you don't know who your state senator is, you can find out by calling 410-946-5400 from the Baltimore area or 1-800-492-7122 from all other areas or by going to http://mdelect.net/electedofficials/ and entering your address.

For reals..think about all those poor doggies out in the snow...help pass this bill. All it takes is a short letter. Let your senator know that you care.

Daylight Savings Time....FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU

Yes, the entire ridiculous institution of daylight savings time has become an inconvenience, at best, to the people of this fine republic.
I would like to argue that this short-sighted endeavor should be unquestioningly overthrown for the sake of decency as a whole.
To summarize this protracted tirade... This shit is whack!
Now back to more important matters, like how this blog is totally going down the pooper. I just cannot find the time to write a decent blog when I have something to write about. And just as often I find that I have nothing to write about when I have a free moment.
That's basically what this all is... filler. Yet forth you read, makes me feel all warm and squishy.
I really wish I could think of one intelligent thought to share to make you want to come here as a place of intellectual retreat...
BUT lets face it, that's not what you want... so here is a picture of the Tron-Guy in front of a dragster...

It's not exactly anything that should necessarily make sense to you but it makes those who get the joke chuckle slightly

Sorry to use this blog to promote...

BUT..there are at least seven people reading this soo I thought I would do it anyways..

I'm on a the social work club team for the SU relay for life and I could use the help in raising money..

It does not have to be alot even a dollar will help!!

Just click Here! and you can either donate online or print out a form to send in.

Thanks in advance to anyone who wants to help out.

Darkness, Imprisoning Me! All That I See! Absolute Horror!

Ahhh... Metallica. Possibly the greatest band to walk the Earth.
The word's from the song "One" have always simply struck fear in me.
Made me realize that if I can avoid being a vegetable.. I should probably do that, 'cause it would mad suck!
Another ridiculously depressing song is "Fade to Black", can't hardly listen to it without tears.
But my blog tonight is not about the epicness of Metallica.
No my friends, tonight I talk of a blight!
Emo Kids!
Ya know, the little queers, that hang around in the mall, wearing girls pants and make-up? Yea, them!
I think the thing that irritates me the most is that they all claim to be soooooo depressed and there lives are sooooo hard.
These kids, live off their parents money! They have no responsibilities and they usually have no idea about misery! I've seen things that would make these kids' heads explode!
So my solution for this problem...
Everytime you see one of these little douches, slap the shit out of them, and make them get a job.
As for me... I'll take care of the more ... let's say ... ummm... more direct problem elimination methods...

Now back to thinking about my real problems, like bills.... looks like the Gas bill is gonna be a real killer this month. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ...
*three hours later*
...ha ha ha ha

Madness? THIS IS IOWAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! Wait ... what? It's review time!

I'm beginning to notice a box-office trend, at least when it comes to me.
I love madness, I saw The Wolfman (everyone thinks he's mad,)Shutter Island (everyone is mad), Alice in Wonderland (all the best people are a bit mad), and last night I saw The Crazies (umm... pretty self-explanatory).
Madness in movies is grand. Much like all those movies.
The Crazies, was pretty trippy.
Really makes you paranoid that the government could screw up something and then subsequently kill, destroy and nuke in order to cover-up.
Stupid biological government experiments.
Ever enter a place and think perhaps all the people around you could already be affected by the crazy-making virus?

Ok, so to the movie itself. Think zombie movie but scarier because the infected can still function and reason and use tools and weapons and plan. Yea, scary shit!
If I continue any further, I'm bound to ruin the movie, so thats where I call it quits.

Breaks are nice, even from you lovely bastards!

The hiatus is over and I, as it was written in the book of the Fonz, have returned.
Did ya miss me? I know you did.
From my last post, you probably can muster that I saw Alice in Wonderland the other night, I effin loved it. But this is not a review!
Today is a rant day:

Movie critics just irritate the piss outta me. ( Like for real, went on Rotten Tomatoes and peed a little )
Everytime I see a movie and love it, Some douchebag critic has to go and ruin my cinema-high by saying it was dreadful, horrendous, miserable, or some other faggy way of saying crappy!
Which brings me to my assumption of the truth!
Movie critics do not actually watch the movies!
Why because they are too busy raping thesauri for synonyms of "bad", This is a short post but I implore all my loyal minions to not support movie critics and just take my word on movies. I know good movies, and through me you shall learn.

A tribute to the greatest.

Oh course I am talking about none other than the great, the awesome, the amazing Mr. John Belushi.

As some of you, I hope, may know today is the 28th anniversary of Belushi's death. It saddens me deeply that he has been gone longer than I have been alive. I really think he is one of the greatest comedians, actor and musican to ever take step on this big planet. He is iconic and legendary. There is not one college campus on this planet this poster does not hang. (I am assuming)

John Belushi has been crippling me with laughter since middle school when I watched my first episode of SNL on E! at my grandparents house. Yes I even remember the skit that first introduced me to this great man. "Cheeseburger Chesseburger..No Coke! Pepsi." After that moment I knew I would be a dedicated fan. I mean who else can make green jello gross..and cool at the same time... What other man of his stanama can dance circles around your momma?? No one. He made the blues cool again. The Blues Brothers in now and will forever be my favorite movie.

So let us all remember this great man today by shoving piles of green jello into your face, by dancing around your house to blues music, maybe dress up like a bee abd break into houses, or walk around with a samurai sword and disco!

I now leave you with a few of my favorite clips of Mr. Belushi. (It was hard to find stuff on youtube...)

Soul Man (LIVE) by The Blues Brothers

Ray

MySpace Video
 

I can't wait til the Jabberwocky is slain, so I can go Futter-Whacking once again.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

SPOON

No wonder our generation is effed up

So we got our three year old some books at the Goodwill. It seems that some of the content would now-a-days be considered not politically correct. Some of it makes no sense. These nursery rhymes do not make any kind of sense. In advance I will apologize for the pics being sideways. Read them though it is worth it.
let me list some examples:This woman is cutting the tails off mice. Why does she need mice tails? What is this teaching children, how to torture animals to death?






Why the hell is this even in here? That dog has got to be pissed!



I am at a loss for words on this one. Dear god why are there three men in a tub floating in a ponds at night, playing with candlesticks and large sausages?



So.... The King calls for a bowl, then hes smoking a pipe while jamming. The bowl is even just sitting on the floor away from the King! Innuendo anyone? One happy-ass king.





Again, no sense. A paper bag does not cure blunt force trauma to the head. Plus if he has a concussion he needs medical attention, not sleep, that could make it worse. Clumsy fagot.


And finally the most f*cked up.


OK, so this woman has too many kids so she is starving them to death and whipping them. I am pretty sure that lining kids up for a whipping for no reason is punishable with time in a federal prison and a hefty fine. This is child abuse and unusual punishment. Especially if they live in a giant shoe. I am pretty sure there are laws that dictate that kids have to be sheltered in a dwelling which has a proper utilities like running water and sanitation. She gives them broth with no bread. Reminds me of Auschwitz. All the kids in the picture are lining up to get beaten, while the old bitch sits there and smiles.
I know I used to watch cartoon animals hit each other with anvils, but f*ck. I am at a loss.